Where Did That Come From?

Today, as I tried to convince my art professor that my artistic vision would work, a song began to play on the radio in the other half of our shared drawing room. The voice was so familiar, it was Eddie Vedder; it was Pearl Jam. The reason I know this voice so well is not because of my own love of 90s rock music, but because of Kevin's.

If any of you have forgotten, Kevin was my boyfriend... many years ago; my first boyfriend. After we broke up we never spoke. He rightfully ignored me, I was a complete jerk. But, I have often thought of him and his family in the years since we were together. Every Christmas I want to send that card telling them that I still think about them and I hope they are well. When I graduated I wanted to send that invitation to my party. I couldn't send it, feeling they would think I wanted a check in the mail when all I really wanted was to see them all again.

Last weekend I found a picture of Kevin tucked away in my bookshelf; I was reminded again. As I drove back up to CMU Sunday night I passed Oakland Street and wondered what Kevin was up to. "He is graduation soon, where is he going? Is he going to MSU like he said he would so long ago?" I wondered to myself in an overlapping stream of thoughts, as thoughts often come. "I wonder if he will use those Chinese lanterns his mother never used for Ryan's party?" Little floods of memories turned into questions.

When I finally reached my dorm room, a few minutes past 10pm, I noticed a message on my screen. A name left offline for so long on MSN had left me a message. "I'm sorry I've ignored you so long, maybe we could talk" it said. The name was still offline, he had left the message hours, maybe days before. I tried to send an email in reply but the Mail Demon reminded me of how long it had really been. The address was no longer in use.

The next day I found Tim online. I knew that Kevin and Tim hadn't been as close as they once were but I figured he would know how I could get in touch. Tim said that he had had a falling out with Kevin but wanted to get back together. Tim gave me Kevin's number and told me to tell Kevin to give him a call if he wanted.

I called Kevin. "Hello?" "Is Kevin there?" I asked even though I recognized the voice instantly. "Yeah, this is him." "Its Jennifer." We talked for well over an hour, my phone card is shot as proof. It was like nothing had changed. I told him I was sorry for being to evil and we continued talking about drama and books and movies. I called him again on Tuesday, because I had not seen his name come online, and he used to be on so much. I asked him if he had changed names. But no, he just isn't online as much. We talked a bit more about school and said our goodbyes over the beep of my phone losing its battery life. I called Tim on Wednesday, because I was bored and wanted to call Kevin but felt ridiculous calling him for a third time. We talked for a few minutes, catching up, but he felt so detached. I told him that maybe I would call Kevin and he said I should, "Kevin would like that." he said. I called Kevin again, and his mother answered. Irene's voice, it reminded me of her bright lipstick and the book of mermaids she was illustrating last time I knew her. Kevin and I talked for a few minutes, I was really only wasting time before Mark was coming to get me for dinner. I only had $3.00 left on my phone card then, which has probably near nothing now.

As if I hadn't been thinking about Kevin and his family and the past enough... that art professor had to take out the Ben Folds CD and replace it with Pearl Jam. But I wasn't about to complain.